Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
