I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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