my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
