4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
