I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
