I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
