Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
