i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
