Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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