I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
