i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
