I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
