well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
