Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
