wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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