Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
