i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
