my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we're so committed to being not committed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
