so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
