He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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