Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize