i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
