I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
