You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
