I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
