Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize