He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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