Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
