Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
