Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Your dad touched me again.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
