i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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