Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
