why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
