My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
