Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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