Porn is love you can see.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
