checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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