all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
