Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want to have your abortion
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
