He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
