my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
