Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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