marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
