wanna go halves on a baby?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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