Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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