O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
