You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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