some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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