I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize