She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
