i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
