things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
