I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
