I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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