She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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