If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
