So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
