Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
