yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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