She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
