Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
