I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
