So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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