drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize