did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
