I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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