Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
