oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
