we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
