Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
