3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When are your genitals available?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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