For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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