Small penises have feelings too.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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