one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have aggressive nipples.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
