I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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