where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
