Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
