My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
