ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
