so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
